I have needed a break away from a lot of things for quite a while. Not exactly sure away from what or whom but I'm not so sure it really matters.
I'd love to say that I have never run from things. That I am too much of a realist (read: martyr, victim, stubborn ass, *insert choice of wording* LOL) to try to hide when problems crop up. But the truth is, it's a lie. I am off in full camouflage and smoke screen, sticking my head in the sand as quickly as I can… just for a while though, because usually, I don't have the patience to lay low or keep away while things sort themselves out, so more often than not the scaredy cat turns into a charging bull. No wonder people don't know how to deal with me at times… I don't envy them, that's for sure. LOL
The simplest of all truths in this is that I have been doing it all wrong. Wrong for me, I probably should say. The intentions were good, the reasons valid…ish, but the ways … ALL WRONG! And yes, I can claim -and probably have been claiming – total ignorance, saying that I tried my best, or just did as was expected or what I THOUGHT was expected of me. And that IS true… I DID do that. But how that could ever be an excuse to stop thinking for myself, I don't know. It shouldn't have been. But it was.
Finally, I am getting to a point where the slate is if not wiped clean yet, then at least getting there. Priorities have been altered, rearranged, some even discarded and replaced by new ones, and you know what…? EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW!! Okay, so it probably isn't rocket science to most people… but better late than never, right?!
No more camouflage, no more charging bulls… just me (uh ohhh… who came up with this brilliant idea anyway?!). I always did enjoy a good challenge… (me and my big mouth! ;-p )
Memo to me: That thing between your ears… It SUCKS at giving directions! If in doubt, ask the heart instead!!!