Rayn vs. The World …

I've been sitting tonight, gazing into the flames in the fire place, partially with a soft smile of inner peace and calmness… and partially with revulsion that soon they will engulf what used to be my bro. It's morbid… everything in this situation is. But I've come to accept it as part of the “experience” now…

I went for a long walk and heart to heart with my youngest aunt and dog at the beach today. It was much needed and so so good for me to be outside and near the sea again – even if I did feel angry at the world for blessing the day with such lovely blue skies, bright autumn sunshine, birds singing and placid little crests rippling from the sea onto the sandy beach. How dare it be so damn nice and pleasant when I want it to rage in angry storms, freezing rain and waves so violent they are white with froth.

But the world didn't seem to mind me being angry all that much and eventually I found myself resigning the rage and actually starting to enjoy the sunshine. We smiled and laughed. We talked. We were silent for the first time without feeling like it was “wrong”. And I found myself hoping that my bro – wherever he is now- would be enjoying that same peace and harmony we had found there on the beach.

So I forgave the world for not doing and being as I wanted it to, reminded that sometimes I don't know best…

It's been a good day…

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Rayn vs. The World …

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