… and the shortest night of the year. This time it held true in ways I hadn't quite anticipated. Sometimes it is the smallest things that alter how we view the world, and for all that has happened lately I think perhaps it was good for me to get reacquainted with reality for a bit.
It's never easy to lose a loved one. I know that more than too well. But sitting around waiting for them to “be lost”… that is almost worse. Have you ever had to sit and watch someone die… ? Wondering if this breath will be the last? Wonder if the lines on the monitor will stay flat this time or suddenly belated jump back to something resembling a rhythm… Have you ever seen someone brought back to a life that isn't there anymore? I hadn't…
We took him off the machines and were told it would be the end. It wasn't. He's still there, hanging on… or rather the mechanics of his body is. He will never awaken. He will never do anything under his own conscious power again. But he is still here…. lingering, supposedly alive, despite the odds and the expert predictions…. despite the gentle tear-filled urgings to let go and find peace, whispered into his unconscious mind. I guess he just isn't ready yet… and in some strange selfish way I've found that to be a blessing. It has helped us all find peace with it and say our goodbyes… maybe this is his… his last goodbye and gift to us… time. Time to come to terms and accept. Time to understand.
And so we wait… together… with him… keeping our vigil as he seems to keep his.