I finally decided to let myself do it.
In the midst of a world that one minute seems to peter on the brink of unimaginable disaster and the next find a way to grip me by the heart strings with excitement and exhilaration I am tired of not knowing which way to turn. Tired of hearing about all the crap when there is so much good… and tired of all the good not being enough to prevent all the crap. Tired of ambiguity and one extreme tainting the other until they blur and become nothing special.
I am fed up with how complicated life has become, and how it seems I am living it for something that isn’t mine… in a society that without consent enforces a life that makes living something one may or may not have time to do after hours when done scurrying to make ends meet. I am sick of being told how to live my life by politicians, doctors, dietists and coaches who all have a stake in the “correct way” of doing things.
So, I’ve decided to get off the ride for awhile – in blatant defiance and reckless abandon. For one day, I’ve decided not to be practical or smart. Not to plan ahead or play it safe. Not to prudently keep in mind that being outside in the Sun for too long can cause cancer. I’m not going to worry about the bills, or about what I will do if I lose my job. I am going to eat exactly what I feel like… and shove the long lists of how much this or that one ought to eat every day, according to whichever “expert” is trend setting at the moment.
I am going to take my dog and drive off… somewhere – anywhere – and spend the day in the forest under the budding crowns, listening to the birds. I am going to waste time, and not take every opportunity. I am going to slow down and not care about tomorrow’s inevitable sensations and tragedies.
I’ll probably go by the beach and decide that it’s time to dip my toes in the shallows for the first time this year – even if the water is still freezing. And I am not even going to bother rolling up my jeans when I do.
Around dusk I will find the ancient dolmen and climb up to sit atop one to watch the sun go down on a day when life has been about living – a day when I have done nothing special… and I am going to have no regrets.
Sometimes nothing special makes all the difference in the world!