“Life is challenge”
Someone once told me that, and explained how it isn’t about achieving things, as much as it is about facing them. Problems do not exist to be solved, but to be faced – the solution leads only to the next hurdle, and achieving it only serves to inspire and motivate in us a WANT to take on more.
At the time I admit I thought it a rather glum and depressing view on the magnificence of Life and Living. A narrowminded and somewhat simplistic attempt at equating hamster wheels and the human condition. And up until recently I don’t mind saying that I have retained that view, and defended it quite vigorously when confronted. After all, why focus on the conflict of the challenge, instead of the guts and glory of persevering and overcoming against the odds!?
The simple answer is… Because, sometimes that isn’t enough. It’s not enough to know that things will be okay eventually when you’re out of steam NOW. That’s the answer he gave me back then… which I blatantly dismissed and have kept dismissing until now, when I am finally faced with something myself that just isn’t worth the crap it is causing.
And then what… ? Saying that something isn’t worth it doesn’t make it go away. Neither does giving up on it. No matter what option you choose… whether to lie down, sob and sulk and cuss life out for being an unfair b**** … or stand up and roar into the wind in furious defiance… or say “sod it all” and run for the hills… life goes on and there’s still choices to be made and consequences to be faced. Tomorrow is still another day and still has to be deal with. Regardless. Inescapably. Annoyingly persistant.
Life is challenge.
So, having realised all this… realised how futile it is to attempt to outrun a problem because it just creates another, I suddenly understood the value of having someone who can just sit by me and let me cry, without trying to fix it for me. Someone with enough compassion to pity me for faltering under the challenges to let me be hurt and frightened and deflated, without feeling like they need to “make it better”.
Do you have any idea how rare it is to find someone in whose embrace you can hide without being told that it will all get better soon?
Life sucks sometimes, and the world is stupid. That’s what I think. And not having to feel guilty or emasculated was such a reprieve. I just needed a break from the storm, a place to bitch and moan about it a bit… and still have it be my own problem afterwards to fix, deal with or run from as I chose – without it getting hijacked by the “it’ll be alright”-crowds.
The world can’t be fixed because it isn’t broken.
I don’t want reassurances or promises that can’t be kept. I just want to be a little mad and think that life is stupid without you going around trying to fix it all the time.